vmccooley (vmccooley) wrote in mfu_canteen,

A series of stories/drabbles set after the return movie and beyond

Originally posted on AO3. Slashy but G-rated.

The Fifteen Years And Fifteen Minutes Later Affair

"I'm finding it increasingly more and more difficult having a meaningful relationship with a machine." He was trying not to read too much into it. Napoleon was no doubt referring to his lady friends. Still, there was a certain intensity in Napoleon's eyes when he said it ... Stop it.

"I will if you will." He was trying not to read too much into it. Illya was simply returning his own unspoken plea to be careful. Still, there was a certain something in the half-smile Illya had given when he said it ... Stop it.

The cab ride to the novelty shop was silent. Silent and somewhat awkward, as each man tried to think of something thoroughly innocuous to say. How about this weather? Read any good books lately? Ouch.

Mercifully, they arrived at their destination and Illya (naturally!) paid the fare. They stood in front of the store but neither man made a move to go inside. More awkward silence. How do you tell your oldest and dearest friend that you've suddenly realized how empty and superficial your life has been without him? That you don't want to spend another fifteen minutes, let alone fifteen years, away from him? The silence was becoming painful. So painful, they couldn't keep it in any longer.

"Illya, I shouldn't have left --"

"Napoleon, I shouldn't have let you go --"

Stopped, stared.

Napoleon instinctively reached out and touched Illya's face in the old, familiar way. Illya responded with that sly half-smile and said:

"When we return from rescuing the Secretary of State, we should resume this conversation in a less public setting. Will you remember exactly where we left off?"

Napoleon laughed as he opened the door. "I will if you will."

No Laments

We have each other.

"We did, didn't we?"


"Just remembering something you said to me a long time ago. You were right - but I was too blinded by my own disillusionment to see it."

"You're lamenting again. You know what I told you about that."

"I know, but --"

"But nothing. No one is immune to human frailties. Not even the eternally optimistic Napoleon Solo."

"You're very annoying."

"I'm right."

"You're especially annoying when you're right."

"Would you have me any other way?"

"I'll take you any way I can get you."

"Then stop lamenting. We have each other now and that's all that matters."

"I love you."

"I love you. Now shut up and come to bed."

Torture Me, Torture You

"What are you watching?"

"The A-Team."


"Hear me out. The episode is about two former spy partners - one Russian, one American - who reunite after many years."


"Come watch with me, Napoleon."

One hour later...

"That was unsettling."

"I'm sorry I made you watch, Napoleon. I had no idea it would turn out like that. "

"At least his name wasn't Nexor."

"That hurt."

"Sorry, Illya. That was just a little too close for comfort. You'd think the writer knew..."

"Let us forget it and watch something else."

"Like what?"

"Well, there is always The Love Boat."


Resistance Is Futile


"Mr. Solo. This is Mr. Kuryakin."

"Call me Napoleon."

One look into those brown eyes and he could not resist.

"I am Illya."


"I need you, Illya."

Time is nothing. Twenty years pass in a second. He still could not resist.

"I'll go to the Blakemore..."


"Fifty years today, Illya. One look into those blue eyes and I couldn't resist ... Why are you laughing?"

"I could have told you a long time ago, Napoleon - resistance is futile."

Old Spies In Love

"You're really cute, you know that?"

"Napoleon, I am 80 years old."

"You're still cute."

"And you are still a shameless flirt."

"I may be 81 but I'm not dead, Illya."

"And you will still be flirting with me when you are 91."

"Because you'll still be cute at 90."

"Go to sleep."

"What about my kiss?"

"There. Goodnight, Napoleon."

"Goodnight, Cutie."


Tags: fan fiction, slash

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